Lady GaGa: Pro-Zombie!!!

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Note:  I started writing this shortly before Shelby’s rapid decline in health that led to his passing 1 year ago today.
I finish and post it today to honour his memory.   I know its lacking, but that empty indelible space his passing left in my heart is especially noticeable today.

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I know…its pretty shocking…but I’m afraid that the evidence is overwhelming.

Yesterday morning my iPhone alarm thingie came on.  My “Divas” playlist was on and Lady GaGa’s “Monster” was playing.

Then it hit me…

“That boy is a monster…”,  ”then he ate my heart and he ate my brain“!!!!

Zombies would be considered by some to be monsters, and its a widely accepted fact that zombies prefer brains over anything else!!

OMG…I had always thought that this song was about an encounter with..ummm…hmmm…okay, let me tell it this way…

One day in the boardroom where the IT department gathers for lunch I was telling my co-workers of an incident where I was banging along with Rage Against the Machine’s “Know your Enemy” when I glanced up to see a guy from Finance staring at me in horror.

I don’t particularly give a rat fu….fornicate what anyone thinks of me with very few exceptions, so I wasn’t particularly bothered by his look of horror, I waved and went back to programming.

So sitting down I mentioned this, and the finance guy’s reaction.  I mused that perhaps it wasn’t a big, burly middle aged guy singing along with his iPhone, but maybe he wasn’t a Rage fan (because, well….they are a protest band).    I put forward the idea that perhaps I should try someone else, like Lady Gaga.  My co-worker looked and asked, “Bad Romance?”,   I thought for a moment and said, “Naaa…Monster.”    She did this humorous sort of combination spit take, choke on her food thing that would’ve been great for YouTube.

When she recovered she said, “People will think you’re gay.”

I pointed out that I have  a collection of fairies in my office, and a pink lunch bag, so people probably already suspected that.

“Good point”, was the response.

Umm…what was I talking about?

Oh yeah,  Lady GaGa….”Queen of the Zombies” maybe?

As I lie in bed pondering this realization, Shelby the Pro-Zombie Cocker Spaniel realizes that I’m onto his compatriot and tries to distract me by telling me he needs out…like RIGHT NOW!!!

Too late little buddy…the jig is up.

One Year….

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They say time heals all wounds,  but today I’m calling bullshit on that.

One year ago my friend,  my little buddy,  Shelby the Pro-Zombie Cocker Spaniel passed from this mortal coil to the next.   Right now, as I type this the pain in my heart is as fresh as the day it happened.    It makes no sense I know for my brain to be wailing, “I MISS MY DOG!” with my sweet princess, Colorado,  Queen of Spazmania sitting not 4 feet away looking at me as if I’ve lost my mind (oh how diametrically opposed that happy crappy is right now).

But I do,  I miss him.  Shelby’s quiet, stoic companionship filled a void in my life.   I can’t describe it…but as I explained to my shrink one session not very long ago…its like with any good friend.   They can be in the room with you,  not saying a word,   not even in sight,  yet you know they are there…..and you know when they are not.   The realization that presence will never come clattering in, announced by claws on hardwood again is painful.

But life goes on.  It has to,  I have to.   Tomorrow the pain won’t be so bad.  I’m dedicating this to my little buddy, Shelby.   I miss you old friend.

 

Shelby: Pro Zombie Cocker Spaniel

Shelby: Pro Zombie Cocker Spaniel

 

 

Civilian vs Military Life

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I saw on Facebook that an old friend is retiring from the military in around 100 days.  That got me to thinking about the time I left the military in 2000.   I sent around a list of things I noticed were different in civilian life at the time.  It was well received but is long forgotten.

But, in honour of my friend Steve I thought I’d list off the differences in order to help prepare him…

In the military they’re called parade squares…if you’re on one you’d better be marching.
In the civilian world they are called parking lots,  you park your cars on them…and no one cares how you walk across them.

In the military pockets are mostly just for show.
In the civilian world,  you can put your hands in your pockets…even if they aren’t cold.

In the civilian world a shirt collar is not a measuring device to see if your hair is too long.

In the civvie world if your boss tells you to do something inherently dangerous,  you can say no.
In the military doing things that would make people shoot at you is in your job description.

In the military there is a dress manual that tells you exactly what to wear and how to wear it.
In the civilian world there is sometimes things called a “dress code” that gives you a general idea of what to wear to work.

In the military you get paid what some bureaucrat thinks you should get paid.   The bureaucrat’s decision is weighed heavily on the fact that in many cases your skillset is not transferrable and its not like you can quit and go join some other military.   This generally means that you are underpaid in comparison to your skillset and willingness to sacrifice and serve.
In the civilian world your pay is based on how much the competition would pay you,   factored in with how much your employer wants to keep you.

In the military you have a fair amount of job security.
In the civilian world you could wake up employed and feeling secure in your job,   and go to bed that same night unemployed.

In the civilian world if the tailor or dry cleaner messes up your work clothes its their fault
In the military,  its yours.

In the civilian world you can tell your boss to f*** off and you’ll only get fired.
In the military,  you’ll end up wishing they’d just fired you.

In the civilian world,  when the feces hits the fan,  you pick up the phone and call for help
When you’re in the military, you answer the call.

Thanks for your service Steve,  and everyone else who continues to wear the uniform.

On Gun Control…

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Post Sandy-Hook I’ve been following forums and comment boards and reading pro and anti gun control diatribes.   In several places I have asked straight out,  “Why is gun control bad?”.  Asking for facts, not hyperbole.

I’m going to start this off by saying,  I like guns.

I do.   I like shooting.   I like the discipline involved.    I have been considering joining a gun club and purchasing a large bore target rifle as well as a hand gun so I can do some target shooting.  When I was in the military I was a pretty good shot.

Of course,   there are many,  including in the anti gun control crowd that believe that I should never,  ever have access to fire arms.    Why?   I suffer from a mental illness.   I make no secret that I’m bi-polar….I’m also more stable than most “normal” people.

So,  in the absence of absolute hard evidence that gun control doesn’t work,  let’s take a look at some of the arguments the “gun rights” people make to support their point of view…

Point # 1

Its not the gun’s fault!!!!”

Treating, or referring to a gun as a sentient being would be a sure sign of mental illness of some sort.
Having said that, this is a very true statement.  A gun is an inanimate object and cannot operate autonomously (that’s a fancy word meaning “on its own”).    I would be willing to wager that most inanimate objects are also horrible shots.

But seriously,   talking about advocating gun control as “blaming the gun, not the person” is about as moronic an argument that a person can make.   If the person can’t get a hold of a gun,  then he/she can’t shoot anyone.    There’s a word for this phenomenon ….  “logical”.

And yes, there are people who get stabbed, and who die in auto accidents so by following this logic there are a whole parade of bright bulbs who feel that I’m advocating banning knives and vehicles.

To those of you who are smugly nodding right now let me point out that knives,  and vehicles have practical and utilitarian purpose in our day to day lives.   Unless you are a soldier you really have no need of an assault rifle with a 15+ round magazine.    If you need a weapon for hunting,  a good old 5 shot, bolt action rifle should do you just fine.

The idea,  in my opinion,  behind gun control is to limit the risk of another Sandy Hook.

So,  in essence, in advocating for gun control I’m not blaming the gun.   I’m blaming the dipshits who think they need near/to military grade fire power who don’t happen to be on-duty soldiers.

Point #2

“It is our constitutional right to bear arms!”

Most people spouting this line are talking about their 2nd amendment rights to the US constitution.   Surprisingly,  many Canadians believe that we too have our rights to bear arms enshrined in our constitution.
This isn’t true.   The arguments I’ve read claim English Common Law and the British Constitution of the 1658 (or some year way back).   The exact text of that particular caveat talks about being armed to protect yourself from illegally armed Papists.    So yes,  if you’re being attacked in the 17th century by Catholics with illegal firearms,  you are in fact allowed to have firearms.
English Common Law does not give you the right the bear arms.   I would argue that it means the exact opposite.   English Common Law is the rule used to determine the outcome of a case where there is no law or precedent.     Specifically it calls for the magistrate to consider The Common Good.    So,  unless you’re a soldier, police officer,  a legitimate hunter, or a farmer with a legitimate need…English Common Law does not apply.

The whole constitutional thing,  regardless of location,   is trumped by everyone else’s right not to get shot while going about their daily business.

I’ll point out that the 2nd Amendment does not specify what type of firearms you have the right to bear.   So perhaps everyone should be limited to muzzle loading muskets.    Hard to shoot 20 kids with one of those eh?

Point # 3

We need guns to protect ourselves from government forces!”

Yes,  believe it or not,  that argument cropped up in several places by, presumably,  different people.
If you believe this,  that would make you a criminal,  as criminals are generally the only ones worried about government forces.   (At least in democratic societies).    If you are a criminal,  why would you worry about gun control laws?

This leads to my next point…

Point #4

If you take away guns from law abiding citizens,  only criminals will have guns!”

Yes,   and criminals will have a lot fewer guns as there will be fewer to divert through nefarious means into the criminal underworld.

Point #5

We need our guns to defend ourselves!!!”

Most police officers the world over shudder at the thought of a civilian using a firearm to protect themselves.
Shooting a person is not easy.     Soldiers and police go through training to desensitize them to the thought of putting holes through another living person.   In fact,  before this training was put in place it was common for soldiers in combat to deliberately shoot over the heads of their enemy instead of aiming at them.
This is because we are conditioned as a society to think that shooting someone isn’t very nice and shouldn’t be done.
Of course, many criminals have no such inhibitions.    They would happily take your gun away from you as you point it at them with shaky hands and turn it on you…and then divert your legally acquired handgun into the criminal underworld.

The second,  very large, problem with this is that you might decide to “defend yourself” from someone cutting you off in traffic by shooting at other cars,  or some equally silly rage-fuelled reason that, without access to a firearm would’ve resulted in nothing more than rude gestures.

Point #6

“If  [insert people here] had been armed,  that mass shooter would’ve been stopped dead!”

Before I say more let me point out that,  according to reports,  there was at least one armed guard at Columbine.

Next,   I will say,  rolling my eyes and in a tone dripping with sarcasm…”Yes,  MORE GUNS!!!!   That is the answer to gun violence!

I talk about the difficulty it would take to properly identify,  engage and neutralize a shooter in this post

To this utter bit of nonsense I will counter

If the mass shooter hadn’t had access to a fire arm,  he/she would not have shot anyone!

I would further suggest that in cases such as Sandy Hook,  instead of arming teachers,  that only former special forces commandos who have passed rigorous psychological screening be permitted to be teachers…..that,  or ninjas.   Because everyone knows ninjas don’t need guns.

Point #7

Only an armed populace could’ve prevented Leftist Socialist Dictators like Hitler and Stalin.

Well,  yes,  this doozy was floated around and staunchly defended.

Let me point something out first (being a “Loony Lefty”)….while Hitler and Stalin and their ilk claimed to be left wing socialist/communist types,  they were in fact the polar opposite.   For those who believe they were truly left wing I would suggest that first you run out and educate yourself as to what being left wing really means,   and then I would ask you if I put on a red suit and told you it was blue,  would you believe me?    Because believing those nutjobs are leftists is tantamount to the same thing.    I was going to say something about bacon being labelled as a health food,  but you know…I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up.

A bit of a history lesson here folks…

Hitler was elected to office.   Yep,  popular vote.    He then,  through manipulation of the media,  and intimidation by police and his brown shirts eventually took over.   An armed populace would’ve resulted in a lot more innocent people being gunned down in defense of the Fatherland.

Stalin was a compatriot of Lenin.   They overthrew the Czar to free to Russian people.   Of course, they had millions of ordinary Russian people helping them.   After a few minutes of true communist every man is equal utopian bliss they decided,  essentially,  that all men were equal, only that some were more equal.   If you had a problem with that,  you’d be kindly asked to carry this blindfold to a nearby wall and to put it on and stand still for just a second.

The populace was armed in this case…first with pitch forks,  then with firearms taken from the Czar’s military and police.

All those guns and still Stalin managed to purge hundreds of thousands of innocent Russians for silly things like reading the wrong books, or saying the wrong thing,  or having an opinion.

In Closing…

Gun Control and Gun Rights should be about balance.  Gun Control should give society the ability to feel reasonably safe without placing onerous restrictions on those responsible and law abiding citizens who partake in shooting sports.
Gun Control should mean that no citizen has the ability to engage in a firefight.   Gun Control should mean that if someone attempts a mass shooting that their fire power is limited so someone has a chance to stop them.   There is no reason for a citizen to have an assault rifle,   even a semi-automatic one.   There is no reason for a citizen to have a high-capacity magazine for any weapon.
In fact,  maybe Gun Control should include something like, “No citizen shall have the ability to fire more than one round every two seconds.”.

Guns have no rights.   They are inanimate, unfeeling, unthinking objects.  Gun enthusiasts need to understand that regardless of how responsible and law abiding they are,  there is always a risk that their legally obtained firearms will fall into the wrong hands.    It is for that reason that advocate for the ban on assault weapons and high capacity magazines.

Anyway, here are some other posts I found…

7 months and change….a Colorado Update…

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Shelby was my “little buddy”,  Colorado is my sweetie-pie…but I sometimes refer to her as the Queen of Spazmania.   As I’ve said,  she isn’t a replacement for Shelby but rather a new companion.

I love her to pieces and she’s become a very big part of my world.   I look forward to coming home to her enthusiastic greetings,  most of the time seeing her peering out the kitchen window as I walk to the door.

I think we’re good for each other.   She’s much calmer than when I got her,  but,   if I spend too long on the computer,  or watching television she lets me know in no uncertain terms that she will no longer tolerate not being the center of my attention.

She has a clear way of communicating this by dropping a tennis ball or her rope at my feet and pawing me.   If I don’t immediately stop what I’m doing she starts her “bounce and bark”.   So yes, she’s bossy but I love the look on her face when she’s waiting for me to throw whatever toy she’s chosen to play with.

She’s great on walks,  I can take her by people and dogs with nary a flinch (most of the time).

I just took this pic of her (sorry for the “green eye” lol)…that’s the flash on my camera…

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You’ll recall when I first got her I mentioned that Colorado saw nothing wrong with getting me out of bed between 5 and 6am to go play fetch…

This is her in the morning now :)

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I still miss my little buddy, and always will.  But there hasn’t been a single second that I’ve regretted taking this enthusiastic and loyal lady home with me.

Shelby’s Obit

Meeting Colorado

Random Colorado Update

How exactly do you measure talent anyway?

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“The most talented thing to come out of Stratford is Justin Bieber!!!”….

This /facepalm statement came via a chatroom I was in looking for information on how to beat a quest in Fallout New Vegas.   The question came up to the channel “So where’s everyone from?”.

I don’t know why I keep telling people I’m from Stratford Ontario because 90% of the time someone goes..”OMG!!!! DO YOU KNOW JUSTIN BEIBER??!!!”

Although the mischievous side of me often wants to say, “Why yes I do..”  just to see how far I can push things I’ve always said “No” and tried to change the subject.

In this case I guess the kid was a super-fan because they just wouldn’t stop asking questions.   Finally I typed, “Yeah,  sorry, not a fan.”

The resulting diatribe was actually pretty funny and I wish I would’ve logged it to share but alas, I didn’t expect hilarity to ensue on my quest to find out how to best get into Vault 34′s lower levels.

I did mention the cultural diversity of Stratford,  especially how the Stratford Festival draws big name actors every summer.   It was then that I was hit with the Bieber is the most talented comment.

Before I say more,  let me point out the following:

i) I do not hate Justin Bieber,  and,  as I’ve never met him I can’t even say that I dislike him…well wait….that changed when I saw what he wore to receive the Diamond Jubilee Medal….he was immediately inducted into my Douche Bag Hall of Fame.

ii)  I do not care for his music.  He has talent but IMO poor taste in music.   I find his music generic and his lyrics vapid (I don’t really care if he writes his own stuff or not)

iii)  I will admit that I am with music,  like I am with coffee.   A snob.

Music is religion to me.  It reaches me on a spiritual level.  I assign songs to different periods of my life (Blue Oyster Cult‘s Great Sun Jester,  Bob Marley’s Redemption Song),  I assign significant people songs that make me think of them (Dave Matthew’s Band  When the World Ends,   Florence and the Machine‘s What the Water Gave Me,  Burn Halo’s Dirty Little Girl,  even Garth Brook’s  The Dance,  to name but a few).
My point here is that I know music.   I know good music.  I have a very good ear for it (hit a wrong note, even as a single musician in a large orchestra, and I will hear it).

So let’s talk about talent.

I don’t think fame or music awards are any real measure of who is more talented than the other (unless we’re talking about marketing).

Case in point,  the cast of Perth County Player’s production of Godspell.   I have the privilege of doing the lighting for the show.   Last night,  opening night and my 5th viewing of the production I was sitting at the back of the theater at my lighting board and listening to a solo.   I thought about the talent that was up on the stage,  mostly from Stratford and pondered how to measure talent.

Here’s the thing…I think luck plays a huge part in fame.   You need talent to get noticed,  but the fact that you make millions doesn’t make you more talented than any of thousands out there.   I wondered how members of the cast would do if given the opportunity afforded Bieber.    Every member of the cast is far above average and a few are incredible.  I’m avoiding naming names,  but there are a few that have the voices for fame.   One of these talented folk has the powerful vocals to rival that of Florence Welch,  whom I consider my High Priestess of Music.    (heh, I’ll bet there are a couple of jaws that dropped at that comparison).

It is a truly amazing production.   Even after seeing it so many times I’m still enthralled.   It holds my attention for the complete run.  Remember that’s significant as I have ADHD and have problems sitting through an hour long tv show.

If you’re in the Stratford area between now and Saturday get a ticket and check it out.   You won’t regret it!   You can get tickets at Sinclair’s Pharmacy across from City Hall.   The production is in the City Hall theater.

This is my blog so I’m allowed to plug stuff shamelessly…..but every word here is the truth…this isn’t a marketing thing.

So in closing,   luck plays a huge role on the talented becoming famous.

That being said….does anyone have Usher’s number?   I’ve got some folks I think he should take a look at.

Gangsters Apparently Really Need Nipples….

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“There is always concern with organized crime if you have complete full nudity and there’s other concerns if you don’t, so we made this change that is a compromising position,” -Donna Harpaur, Minister Responsible for Saskatchewan Alcohol and Gaming.

You really have to wonder if some politicians listen to themselves while they’re speaking.

By the above statement, quoted in an article on Canoe.ca,  apparently all it takes to keep organized crime away is to make everyone wear pasties on their nipples.

I’m sure this is good news for law enforcement.  They will save a fortune as they give up their bullet proof vests and expensive fire power for a pair of pasties.  They can now just walk in,  rip their shirts open and mobsters will quake at the sight of sequin capped nipples.   Just slap the cuffs on and take `em away.

Having watched The Sopranos in its entirety,  I’m very familiar with OC,   So it is with some authority that I say that so long as men are willing to come watch women who are 99% naked, and spend money on over-priced beer and lap dances that women having to wear pasties while dancing isn’t really going to bother them.   I will point out there that I’m going by what I see on TV…I really have no idea what goes on in those places.

But hey,  I might be wrong,  after all I’m a mere hyper-intelligent computer programmer so in all modesty I imagine that a “Minister Responsible for Saskatchewan Alcohol and Gaming” must be smarter than I.

So in that light I say…

If those dastardly criminals give you a hard time,  don’t hesitate to bring out the tassels!

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