Dear Provider of Food and Thrower of Balls;
We, your loving canine companions, and security force are writing this note to alert you to a grave threat to the safety of the Den.
You are likely aware that we both enjoy looking out the window at the things that wizz past the den day and night. We especially like the ones with the bright flashing lights and the funny howling.
However, there is one of these things that stops frequently, and we are both extremely worried that you seem oblivious to the threat it brings to the Den!
We believe the human term for this thing is “BLOODY HELL, CALM DOWN! IT’S ONLY A BUS!”, as this is what you bark every time we alert you to its presence.
As you know, when we hear the squeak the BLOODY HELL, CALM DOWN! IT’S ONLY A BUS! makes when it stops, we will stop whatever we are doing and run to the windows to bark as loudly as we can in order to let the murders it brings to the neighbourhood that the pickings are easier at other dens.
You’re a pretty relaxed human, but its reached the point where we wonder if you are taking the threat seriously!
We are worried that you won’t recognize the danger as the murders who climb off the BLOODY HELL, CALM DOWN! IT’S ONLY A BUS! all look different! Some of them are small humans. Maybe not a big threat when alone, but they often travel in packs!
You do realize that these murderous bastards arrive very close the Den, right?
We also want to point out that this has been going on for a very, very long time!
The implication should be obvious!
There are likely very few people in the area left to murder, so it won’t be long before our loud and viscous barking won’t keep them away!
We’re worried that you keep answering The Door when someone knocks, despite our warnings and constantly getting in your way when you try to open it.
And seriously….do you think holding us back is a good idea?! You could get murdered while holding on to our collars and we’d be helpless to defend you!
If you get murdered who would bring us food and throw our balls? The cat???
In short, we hope you smarten up, and start taking the security of the Den seriously.
Kharma and Colorado.