MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Okay, first off…I’m not a Christian.  I was, but now I’m not.   I’m almost a Buddhist, having a strong belief in karma.

Second off...fair warning: This is going to offend some people…

When I typed the title “MERRY CHRISTMAS”  I did not burst out in flames, children did not weep and the rivers did not flow with blood.  Well…actually…I don’t know about the latter two, but the first definitely I did not burst into flames.  I know this because the smoke detector didn’t go off…wait a minute.  I unplugged the smoke detector!

Okay, I’ve just looked in the bathroom mirror and I can confirm I did not burst into flames.

I really hate the hulabaloo that people make this time of year over what to call things, or how to wish people well.  Its like you can’t open your mouth without offending someone.

I’ve been reading about schools cancelling Christmas concerts because they don’t want to be “exclusionary”.  Seriously….wtf?   These are our educators and unless things have changed and you can now administer a school with a grade 8 education you’d think these blithering dunderheads would see this as an opportunity to expand the horizons of the young minds over which they’re given charge.  But no…in an effort to not exclude a minority they end up pretty much stealing Christmas from everyone else.

Actually wait…they’re not “stealing Christmas”, but rather sucking the joy out of the festive season.    Seriously, how many 5 year olds are now going to grow up to be meth-heads because they didn’t learn responsibility and dedication by playing a tree during the annual Christmas pageant?

Now here’s the thing.  You are going to get a smattering of folk who are going to be offended by you trying to hold some sort of event with the word  “Christmas” in it.  Let me fill you in on a basic facts of life here:

  • Some people LOVE to be offended…so much so that they seek it out.    There was a story online recently about some guy who complained about a nude woman silhouette decal on his neighbour’s SUV, complaining to the police that it was lewd and offensive.  The cop said she could keep it…  /end digression
  • In western civilization we’ve been celebrating Christmas for centuries…its our tradition!   Just like I cannot go around slapping duct tape over the mouths of people who I think shouldn’t be allowed to talk,  you must put up with seasonal festivities…because its the way we roll here in the west.
  • The only people who are excluded by Christmas celebrations are those who CHOOSE to be excluded!  I’ve spent most of my adult life as a non-Christian.  I’ve never felt excluded.  In fact the best Christmas party I’ve ever attended was at a friend’s house…he and his family are Muslims…and they said,”Hey, we’re having a Christmas party!”.  It was on a Saturday night btw.  I just never bothered with the religious bit

And a “HOLIDAY TREE”???   Really????   This is a “Holiday Tree”  You sit under them and drink Mai Tai’s or whatever when you are on “Holidays”.

This would be a much better world if people would just chill out and stop taking irrelevant crap so seriously.  (How many of you are thinking “Pot” meet “Kettle” right now?)

So, if you’re a non Christian here are some things to consider….during the Christmas season you’re likely going to hear the story of the Christ child.  Whether you believe it or not, its irrelevant…its a story that some people believe is true, and others don’t.   If you’re of the former, then take the opportunity to share stories of your cultures winter holidays….or you can do like I do and get really drunk and tell people about your favorite strippers (that’s always a holiday favorite at my house).

I’m not letting you Christians off the hook here……let’s address the “Put the Christ Back into Christmas” bit.    Now, you see…when you complain on one hand that municipalities have “Holiday Trees” and bemoan that people complain about being “excluded” .   Religion is an intensely personal thing, if you think that Christ needs to be put back into Christmas, then look within.   Having said that I agree that Christmas has become a highly commercialized reason to shop.  I have no problems with that…I love to shop (just not around Christmas…because you know…I hate people…especially other people driving cars (or walking) in mall parking lots close to Christmas).  But I can understand how commercialization has ruined it for a lot of people.  Today I was trying to get out of the local mall and stuck waiting for 2 couples to finish their conversation….several polite “Excuse me”‘s did not seem to get them to move.   Fortunately being trained by both the military AND the theater to yell, er umm…project my voice, that particular situation was soon remedied (and you know what…staring daggers at me doesn’t really bother me 🙂 ).

The final point I’d like to make on that is that “Christmas” originated by the Holy Roman Church amalgamating local customs and traditions into their own to ease assimilation of the masses.   So the real “Reason for the Season” is that the longest night of the year has just passed and its time to slaughter the cattle and preserve the meat in hopes you don’t starve to death before spring…and oh yeah, lets have a massive party!

I want to close on a serious note here:

The important thing to remember is that Christmas has been a time of peace in Western culture for centuries.   Wars STOPPED for a brief period to allow both sides to celebrate.  It is that spirit that I think every person, regardless of faith, or belief should go forward with in this season….and while we’re at it, lets go for the entire year!

The other thing I want to mention is to keep in mind that this time of year is really hard for people, especially where the economy has tanked and the ranks of the jobless have soared.  Keep in mind those who are doing without.  The jobless, the homeless, the mentally ill and please, for the love of {insert deity here} drop some money in donation barrels, or food donations, or donate some time.  Suicides are high this time of year, depression is rampant…you never know, the smallest gesture may go a long way.

I’m going to give a shout out to my special friend who stopped by a WalMart and with the help of a manager, picked out 5 layaway plans that appeared to be for Christmas gifts for young children and paid them off…anonymously.   That’s the sort of shit I do 🙂  She said I inspired her 🙂

One last thing…

If someone says “Merry Christmas!”, or “Happy Holidays”, or “Happy Decemeber”, or whatever warm wishes they choose to you and you get offended….then go kick yourself in the ‘nads,  because seriously….you’re not worth the effort of having someone do it for you.

If you’ll excuse me, I have to go plug the smoke detector back in, and find a 24 hr store that sells fire extinguishers.

 

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