In my musings yesterday I recalled moments during the process that made Shelby’s passing a truly beautiful thing. In fact there were no tears at all, and I don’t even think I was sad, in fact I’m pretty sure when I looked up at Dr. Mall and said, “I think he’s gone.”, I was smiling.
Tears come when I think of them, but they are not tears of grief, but those tears you get when you see someone who is truly deserving get something truly wonderful. I’ve tried typing them this morning…describing them, and even though they are simple things, words do not do them justice…but…well….here goes…
Thursday night I had realized that it had been a very long time since I’d seen him wagging his tail. This was a big sign to me…and it made me very sad.
Shelby was pretty relaxed on the table, even before the sedative. Dr. Mall and I both stroked his fur and spoke softly while we waited for it to take effect. After a bit she bent over and said, “I think he’s asleep”. Naturally I bent over to look too. Shelby suddenly popped his head up and gave her a kiss, and then turned and gave me a kiss too. He put his head back down and closed his eyes.
Sometime after that he was truly asleep and we had to shift him on the table. He stirred when we did, I scratched his head and leaned down and told him that everything was okay and that I loved him. He settled quickly and his tail started to wag.
It stopped, and he started to snore that contented snore that I loved listening to so much.
I have my playlist on “All songs shuffle” and an interesting mix came on while I typed this…in order:
Adele: Take it All
Sarah McLaughlin: Arms of an Angel
and…well if my playlist is trying to tell me something I don’t understand how Lady GaGa’s Dancing in the Dark plays into this….and now
Florence and the Machine’s: Blinding