The last week or so has been very interesting for me.
Some things I have blogged about. There is one entry regarding a sure sign I’ve gotten old that is still in draft. I need to proof it and post. But that is a significant milestone in my life.
There is one thing though. A complex and whirlwind set of events, unrelated, yet intertwined that has my head spinning. I cannot go into details at this point, but rest assured, this is not a bad thing. There is nothing that can happen here that will make my life any poorer than it is today, or was two or three weeks ago. It could, however, open a whole new chapter for me.
If you’re wondering, this is not about the Dubai job. I have turned that down. It was only up for reconsideration briefly during a meeting on Friday…briefly :). …and yes my Aussie friend, it is a lot of money. I know you don’t believe me when I say that happiness is more important than money…but there it is. Despite past assertions I have learned the hard way that money cannot buy happiness.
So yeah. I found myself spending a lot of brain power on the situation. Examining every angle, every possible outcome (except Stratford being attacked by ravenous dinosaurs…/sigh okay, so now I have to have a think on how to handle that).
I meditate every day. Usually before I go to sleep, but sometimes earlier. I almost always choose a meditation with a theme of directing myself to live and act in such a way as to have a positive influence, or, there is a Buddhist meditation (I can’t remember the name) where one attempts to access their “core mind” and in doing so bestows the karma earned through their own compassionate acts to another.
When we discussed the concept of the core mind, our teacher talked about how some people envisioned their core mind. A black hole, or a white hole, or some geometric shape with a neutral colour seemed common. I remained silent as when I envision my core mind I see a liquid-nitrogen cooled super computer. (note to self: meditate on the virtue of humility)
I had some time this afternoon, so I thought that I would meditate on the matter at hand. Calm the mind, and put it into perspective. I grabbed a dog bed that I bought Shelby the week before he died (he never used it) and plunked it down on the living room floor. My fireplace was on and the dishwasher was running. My upstairs neighbour was clattering about, but I’m used to that.
When ever we start a meditation in class, our teacher raises her left hand and cups her right into it and says, “Remember, Wisdom cradles Compassion”.
I started my breathing exercises, but Bella, the upstairs dog was being playful and I could hear her throwing her chew toy about. (Bella is an adorable 2 year old blue heeler.) I do not mind this so much, but 4 minutes in I open my eyes fully, glance at the clock on my PVR and think, “This isn’t working.”
I go to get up…
20 minutes later I’m brought out of my meditation by a familiar chunk of fur slamming into my hands, punctuated with occasional claws out smack because I am not petting her. I don’t allow myself to rise to full consciousness quickly…until I feel teeth press menacingly against the flesh of my right hand (Compassion). I open my eyes, and turn my hand to give my cat Socks a scratch. She pushes her head into my hand and purrs. After a few minutes of me doting on her, she gets bored and leaves.
I sit for a few minutes longer and watch the runner that sits under Shelby’s memorial flutter in the heat from the fireplace.
I feel more centered, and have been reminded that, if you have cats, if they deem fit to pay attention to you…you are never alone…even if you want to be.. 🙂