My self-esteem is not measured in pounds, or kilos, or stone (whatever that is).

At my last fitness assessment at Healthworks here in Stratford I weighed in at 317lbs.   For my height (5’11) my ideal weight is 155-189lbs.

What do you think when you see those numbers?

How many of you thought something like, “Holy crap,  you need to start exercising and go on a diet!”?

How many thought, “Fat slob!”?

We’re wired to think that way.

Fat = lazy

Fat = slovenly

Fat = stupid

Fat = Out of Control

Fat = BAD.

Of course nothing could be farther from the truth.  In fact all that is a long standing plot by skinny people who feel inferior to the more corpulent.

Think about it.

Being fat used to be the in thing.  It meant you had the money to get fat.   Fat was desirable.

So,  after centuries of being abused for their size,  the skinny people finally created a campaign to put themselves on top.  Through decades of careful media manipulation those skinny bastards have turned the world on its head.   But when you take a critical look at some of their tactics you can see a fatal flaw in their plans.

Fat people are awesome and its skinny people saying so…

When making fun of someone whose fat,  skinny people always refer to their weight,  as in,  “You’re so fat that when you sit around the house,  you sit AROUND the house!”.   Insults like this make it pretty obvious that the skinny are sensitive about their weight,  and everything else.    After all,   if their target has nothing else to be mocked,  go for the easy shot,  their weight.

Everyone does it when making fun of someone even slightly overweight.  Comedians, politicians, celebrities….they find so little on fat people to mock that they end up having to make fun of their weight.     Pretty sad really.

Fatism is the last bastion of the simple minded.

Many of the skinny people have no clue what its like being fat.   They tell you things like “All it takes is to eat less and get plenty of exercise!”,   like its easy.   There are people who are wired to be active,  and people who aren’t,  but even that’s beside the point.   Food is an addiction,   for many its a refuge.   Someone whose never battled an addiction may have a difficult time grasping whats obvious to so many of us,   if you’ve got a problem with food,  the world is stacked against you.

Look at it this way:

Let’s say you’re an alcoholic,  but you MUST consume alcohol in order to live.   So,  you go and you buy the “healthy alcohol”.   It costs more and doesn’t taste as good.
Every time you go to buy gas,  or pick something up at the store you stand by racks of brightly packaged bad alcohol that can be had for pocket change.
So,  lets say you’re having a bad day,   you’re depressed,  or just plain sad while you’re standing in line with your expensive, but not so tasty alcohol.   You’re eyes wander over the rack of the sweet, sweet bad alcohol.

So how many alcoholics would be able to beat their demons in a world like that?

That’s the world we fat people live in.

Lets go back to the prejudice thing again as I want to address that directly.

I’ve faced that prejudice.  I’ve had people make everything about my weight…which just made things worse.

You know what changed that?   Accepting that I was fat,  and liking myself,  and how I looked despite what others thought.    My friends have learned not to talk about my weight,  mostly because I will mock them,  and stop inviting them for dinner.

I do nothing to lose weight…not a damn thing.   I watch what I eat because I’m diabetic and would dearly like to get to the point where I don’t have to jab myself 80 times a day.   I work out because I like it.  The main reason for this is simple.   When you are trying to lose weight,  every time you weigh yourself and the magic number hasn’t gone down you feel like you’ve failed.   Miss a goal?  FAIL!   I honestly think that dieting is set up to make people feel like failures.   I’m speaking from personal experience but I know I’m not alone.

You remember the figures I gave at the opening,  I’m 317lbs but according to many charts I should weigh no more that 189lbs?     I know many of my friends,  the people who know me probably chuckled if not outright laughed at picturing me at 189lbs.

In fact when I saw that I was a full 10lbs heavier than the last time I weighed myself,  I smiled..

You see,  I’m not 130lbs overweight.   My body composition is 244lbs of lean muscle mass and around 28.1% body fat.   I’m not even obese according to the accepted standard  (that’s 32% body fat).

I eat less than most people,  and most of what I eat is green.

I’m also getting back in lifting weights.  The weight gain was pure muscle.

Don’t get me wrong,  I still refer to myself as fat because I have a gut and could stand to lose around 40lbs of fat.    But technically….

I’m not fat,  I’m big boned.


Colorado Update

Well,  its been over 3 months now since I adopted Colorado  🙂

Colorado is a wonderful dog and even though she still has the occasional neurotic spas moments, I haven’t regretted for a single second my decision to bring her into my life.

My friends tell me that its obvious that we love each other.    She’s settling in nicely.   I noticed that she preferred to stay in the kitchen regardless of what room I was in.   She’d come in every once in awhile to check on things or to get some attention,  but when she was satisfied it was back to the kitchen.   Lately though she now spends part of her time in the door to the livingroom,  or the livingroom itself.

With the help of Maxine at Damax Kennels I’ve managed to help Colorado settle down.   The last “problem” behaviour,  her screaming at other dogs while out for walks I finally got her out of last week!   A sharp “NO!” whenever she starts “talking”  or when she starts stressing.   No more push, pulling as she bounces around trying to get to other dogs,  screaming her head off as she does.   Now  she twitches a bit,  but is mostly quiet.   Progress indeed.

Even more progress in that this morning when I woke up,  she was sleeping with her head on my belly instead of bouncing around trying to get me out of bed so we could play fetch.  Of course once my alarm went off all that changed!

She has her favorite games,  both in the house and out.  Outside of course its fetch (so long as its not too hot).  Otherwise its “sniff the air”.  This confused me at first until one morning I saw a rabbit hop out of a bush.   Inside there is this big knotted rope that she loves to chase.   Maxine advised that I don’t rough house with her or play tug of war as she’s a stubborn dog and the latter will create control issues and the former…well,  I’m a big guy who can handle her,  but if she sees rough housing as a game she might decide to play with someone smaller who can’t.

I’m thinking I should start socializing her with other dogs.   She gets along great with people although she’s not to wild about letting people into the house (except my mom).

Anyway, a brief note.  I’ll try and upload some more pictures and video later!


When we met


Some websites I’m working on….

I’ve been fairly busy with creating some websites,  so I thought I’d share:  is where I will be posting some of my CGI art work.   The rule of thumb is that if I don’t mind my mom seeing it,  I will post it here.  is where I will be posting the saga of Faith Keller.  This will be a PG to R rated website.   There’s no nudity or violence there as I write this, but that will change.  So if you’re not 18 and aren’t offended by graphic novels with graphic violence and some adult situations feel free to check it out.


I am looking for help with that project.   Unpaid help…its a hobby 🙂

Professionally I’m always looking to expand my knowledge and reach out to other programmers,  so I’m still working on content for:


“HL7”  is the messaging standard used to integrate different medical systems.   I’m pretty good with an the Mirth Integration Engine and enjoy a minor reputation for being helpful within the Mirth community.


Of course I do have a place to post the stuff I wouldn’t want my mom to see. 😉