18 Apr 4,032,008 BC: 2:32Pm
On the site that will eventually become “Big Ed’s Used Tire Emporium”
Its market day and Grogg meets Ugg, a member of a neighbouring tribe as they take their goods to trade at the local market.
Ugg: pointing to some strange contraption that Grogg’s goods are sitting on.
“What the hell is that??!!!”
“I call it a ‘Neanderthal Assisted Heavy Lift Device”‘! Pretty cool eh?”
Ugg: shifting the load on his back so he can take a better look
“How does it work?”
“Last week I came up with the idea of using those round things underneath to make it easy to move stuff around! They roll when you push them! The rest just fell into place.”
“What do you call the round things?”
“So, you invented Tony to make carrying your stuff to market easier?”
“You need to stop taking the easy way!”
About 3 weeks later Ugg’s tribe starved to death while Grogg’s prospered.
Grogg’s people would’ve become very wealthy except for the vile actions of a neanderthal named Tony.
Unbeknownst to Grogg, Tony, irked that Grogg was profiting by naming the “round things” after him, had recently invented “Patent Trolls”….he wanted to call them “Assholes”, but everyone called a guy in the neighbouring village that, so he went with the term that survives to modern times).
Grogg and Tony (as a Non-Practicing Entity (aka: guy with no skill except be really vague in patent filings)) presented Patent #00000000001 and was awarded all proceeds for Grogg’s invention.
In an attempt to smooth over any hard feelings, Tony approached Grogg to get ideas on what to name the “Round Things”.
Hey Grogg, I need to find a name for these round things of yo…er, mine…
Can you think of anything else that is round or circular?
And that’s how the wheel was invented……
Fun Fact: The term Wheel was first used by the neanderthals living in a cluster of caves just south of the weird tree and the rock where Morg was found passed out after discovering fermentation.
While some historians differ on the exact translation, it is generally agreed that it roughly translates to the modern Asshole.