Have you ever been asked, “What is the first impression people get when they meet you?”?
I’ve seen this question pop up in dating profiles, and even job interviews.
I think that the person whose idea it was to ask the question really wants to see how creatively you can lie, because very few people will be honest…and here’s why.
If people generally have a positive first impression of you, and you tell people this, it might sound like you’re conceited, or vain, or lying.
If people generally have a negative first impression of you, and you tell people this, you’re either very honest, or, if you don’t think it will hurt your chances, or you’re a psychopath.
I know what impressions I usually make with people when we first meet.
It’s usually some combination of the following:
- Really Fucking Smart
There are cases where the first impression I may leave someone with aren’t on that list, but in those cases its usually someone I’ve sought out while looking to rectify some situation or other…but that’s not what I’m talking about here.
I’m talking about times when I go from something on that list, to what might be mistaken as Full-On Asshole mode.
Professionally I enjoy a reputation of being very good at what I do, willing to help out, and very honest and open in letting people know when I see problems with their ideas, design, projects.
Suffice it to say that I do not suffer fools easily, gladly (or at all really).
Some people have suggested that when I do this, that I’m self-aggrandizing, and that I don’t leave people with a positive impression, and that its “not pretty”.
Here’s a newsflash – unless you can prove me wrong, I don’t care. If you can I’ll apologize, and seek to make amends.
Someone recently felt the need to have this discussion with me….he honestly thought I was trying to get people to like me by interacting with people with things like kindness, humour and diplomacy.
I’m going to pause here so that the people who know me well can stop laughing.
I don’t interact with people the way that I do because I want to be liked.
I do it because that’s the way that I am….I care about people, even the ones I don’t know. I know that a smile, a kind word, and maybe a small act of kindness can turn a person’s day around.
But here’s the thing….I don’t do things like that on purpose…it just happens.
There are some of you thinking that because I said all this that I’m some sort of conceited jerk….which ties into my initial point…if you answer the first impression question honestly, people might think you’re a conceited jerk.
And to those of you who are thinking that, I refer you to the previous assertion:
I am not the way that I am because I want people to like me. I do it because its the way that I am.
I’ll point out that this individual had a habit of raging at people. He even made a vendor support person cry….when she didn’t do anything wrong. (oh sweet irony)
Here’s the thing, when I’m working on a project, if I come up with something that won’t work, or could be improved upon, I would want someone to tell me.
Yes, I might object, and argue, however, if you make valid points, I will appreciate that you spoke up and pointed it out.
Even if your concerns were things I had already considered, or didn’t apply, or couldn’t be applied, I will still respect you for pointing them out.
I know its hard for some people to do that, because, like the title of this blog says…some people think I’m an asshole, and I know sometimes I can be too blunt when I don’t mean to be.
When I’m involved in a project, and I see problems with some aspect of it, I will speak up.
The first couple of times, I will be polite, and diplomatic.
I will always provide why I think its a problem, and will go so far as to provide technical details, and links etc.
I do this, because, working in healthcare I believe that my end users (who are the patients) deserve the very best that I can deliver….which means preventing wasting money and resources on poor implementations.
Now, some people will think I’m an asshole simply because I didn’t just nod my head and keep my opinions to myself.
Because being polite is more important than avoiding potential disasters…especially in healthcare. (You can see I’m being sarcastic here right?)
Even when I meet with resistance when raising concerns, I can usually remain polite and civil.
The problem comes when I encounter people who for some reason they’re smarter than everyone else.
You know the type. They take on a patronizing tone and are generally dismissive, regardless of the pile of data and logic arrayed against them.
This is usually what triggers what one of my friends calls “Full-On Asshole mode”.
An example of this was where I raised concerns on a new interface I was asked to implement where I saw that other organization would be receiving bad data as they were deliberately excluding a broad range of HL7 message types that ensure data quality. (Because data-quality isn’t important, especially in healthcare (sarcasm))
I detailed the reasons for my concerns, and was polite (I had someone check that).
What I got back was a terse response, explaining their logic, and why they weren’t concerned. It was done in the same manner one would explain to a child why they shouldn’t put their hand on a hot burner.
Their logic was so flawed that I forwarded the reasons to a group of HL7 programmers for a laugh.
I mean, seriously, how could you work in healthcare integration and expect to use a patient’s name as a record match?
We thought it was funny because people entering names in the system can make typos, and even if not, in one system the same person could be Smith, James A, and in another it could be Smith,Jimmy Andrew).
So yes…that sort of thing brings on Full-On Asshole mode….which made for a very tense kick off call.
I didn’t rant, I didn’t rave….I didn’t even curse. I did forcefully tear apart their logic, with the same tone that they responded to my initial concerns with. One of, “How could you not know this?”
When I stopped talking there was a long silence, broken by one of them addressing his boss and pointing out that changing their system would cost time and money.
Of course, during the conversation they pointed out that other hospitals they implemented this solution with didn’t object. Those hospitals did bend over backwards to compensate for the bad design. Something that wasn’t possible with our system, and that I wouldn’t have done. Extra work I didn’t have time for caused by someone else’s bad design.
I know its hard to speak up when you object to something, especially professionally, because there may be career implications.
I’m not denigrating those who don’t.
I’m explaining why sometimes I do, even thought I know full well that doing so makes some people think that I’m an asshole.
The first reason is that I have to work on these projects.
The biggest reason though is that I do not have to one day face myself in the mirror and ask, “Why didn’t I speak up?”
I have worked in healthcare for almost 3 decades. The vast majority of the first 2 was as a medic in the Canadian military.
I have seen incompetence, and
pride ego kill people…..literally.
When you end up asking your reflection why you didn’t speak up when an actual human being is involved, you carry that with you for a very long time.
If any of you thought, “Well that was pretty dramatic, you’re only talking computer stuff here!”….just GTFO. If you didn’t clue in to the oft repeated word “Healthcare”, I don’t want you reading my blog.
Hopefully you understand why I simply can’t remain silent when I see issues with a project, and will continue to push until I see that my points are understood.
I guess the best way to sum this up is to say that the only person I don’t want thinking I’m an asshole…is me (and my mom, dad, brother, sister, sisters-in-law, nieces, nephew, dogs, and the waitress at my favourite restaurant).