It’s 12:40 AM on Nov 11 2015.
I am officially 50 years old. Half a century.
The weeks leading up to this day have been difficult.
I obsessed on what I didn’t have.
“I have no one and nothing!” was a constant mantra.
I was depressed, and I grew angry and bitter.
I reflected on everything I’ve done for others, and I began to resent myself for it.
For working towards the greater the good instead of my own fulfillment.
And despite all that sacrifice, I had nothing and no one.
Its embarrassing to admit that. I don’t do the things I do for reward.
Then a few days ago my eyes were opened.
Through the gentle and determined persistence of some close friends I saw that delusional bullshit I had managed to sell myself.
I was surrounded by people who genuinely care about me.
Not for what I do for them, but because I am who I am.
I suddenly saw how I fit neatly into the different social circles I run in.
So…today is not a mile marker piled on broken dreams, but rather a mile stone on the path to wherever I’m headed.
And I know that path is not a lonely one.
To my persistent friends….thank you for not giving up on me…even though I wanted you to.