Apologies and Amends are Important

The beginning of the end of my relationship with Rogers Cable was triggered by their response to a complaint I filed when one of their customer service agents was rude, dismissive, and wrong.

The apology was what I call a “non-apology”.

A non-apology uses weasel words and phrasing to make it sound like someone has apologized for their actions…but didn’t really.

A non-apology may sound something like this:  “We’re very sorry that you feel that way.”

That’s a bullshit non-apology that takes no responsibility for whatever happened.

They’re sorry you feel that way,  but they are in no way sorry that they made you feel that way.

See how that works?

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m one of the most forgiving people on the planet.

I’ve been a bit too forgiving in the past…if you’ve read my last entry you’ll see I mention that.

However, before I forgive anyone they have to apologize,  and accept responsibility for what it is that they did.

Or explain to me that I’m completely out of line in being irritated/pissed off/enraged by their actions.

I’ve got a couple of things going on right now where,  if the other parties had stepped up and apologized before things got to where they are,  things would be less contentious than they are now.

Which brings me to my next “you’re apology is complete bullshit” lesson.

Sometimes people need to work up the courage to come to you and make amends.

Its important to be able to tell the difference between that,  and the people who had no intention of apologizing, or making amends until they realized that there are consequences for their actions.

In cases like this,  their apologies may sound extremely sincere.  Their contrition and remorse will be very genuine.

But,  in cases where the apology is less “we’re sorry we did that to you”  and more “OMG,  he wasn’t lying when he said he had a lawyer on retainer!”  don’t be fooled.

Their remorse is genuine in these cases, but it is misplaced.

When I know I screwed up and hurt someone,  unless the answer to the question is obvious,   I will apologize and ask,  “What can I do to make this right?”

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Apologies and Amends are Important

  1. “I’m sorry you feel that way” is the typical response of a pathological narcissist. The other implication is that they are indulging your irrational emotions.

    We live in a society that seems driven by the shameless exploitation that we normally ascribe to a pathological state of mind…

    I don’t know how one heals a culture that extols and normalizes every thing that is repulsive about human nature.

    The next best thing is calling out the BS.

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