Social Anxiety is Real

Suffering from social anxiety is no joke.
Life can be difficult when you’re simply not comfortable around other human beings.

Its worse when you’re like me, a relatively honest person who doesn’t like to lie.

Most social interactions start with some variation of the question “How are you today?”
This question can lock up my mind as I fall down a rabbit hole trying to figure out if they really want to know how I am, or are they just being polite.
At some point I’ll do what most other people do and say, “Fine.”

Social convention dictates that I repeat the question back to them. I usually don’t want to appear to be rude, so I will…causing yet another moral dilemma, in that I’m lying when I ask, because honestly, I don’t really care how they’re doing, and I’m terrified that if they are not indeed “fine” that they will dump their problems on me.

Then there’s the whole “leaving the house” thing.

There are times I don’t like leaving my house because it means interacting with other human beings. It’s not uncommon that I will refuse to leave the house for anything except work (and I can occasionally work from home, so there’s that).

You might think I’m overstating things…but I’m not.

A few years ago when I wasn’t in a good place emotionally I had my first heart attack.

It hit at about 3am. I knew it was an heart attack. I was a military medic for almost 20 years.

I didn’t call 911 for more than 3 hours because I just couldn’t deal with people. Seriously, from my medical background I knew that if I called 911 that I would have to interact with the paramedics and I just couldn’t deal with that.

Finally, 3 hours later, the pain got so bad that I figured I could deal with a couple of paramedics without having a complete meltdown I reluctantly dialed 911

10 minutes later I had 6 firefighters and 2 police officers in my livingroom.

They all wanted to know how I was doing

“Fine” I responded tersely.

It was another 5 or 10 minutes before I heard the ambulance siren approaching…I was so desperate to get away from the crowd in my livingroom that I walked out to meet the ambulance at the curb.

What was the first question they asked me?

“How are you doing?”

Red Dead Redemption 2: How to play

Talk~talk~talk~ride your horse



The Best Super Power Ever!

Whenever you ask someone what they’d pick for a super power if they had the opportunity you hear answers are things like the ability to fly, super strength, the ability to heal, etc. etc.

Until recently my choice would be the ability to heal others (I was a medic for most of my adult life after all),  but that’s recently been supplanted by what I think would be the most awesome super power ever.

Imagine being able to use the video game capability of being able to save your game in real life?

Wouldn’t that be amazing?!!

Imagine, just before you drive to work, you do a quick save, then drive at double the speed limit…exhilarating, fun, dangerous and illegal as hell.  Get into an accident, or get a ticket…revert to your saved game..and in the next play through you know where the cops are!

You could tell your crush, boss, co-worker, neighbour, or anyone else exactly what you thought of them, and if it doesn’t go well, revert and you’re back safely at your last check-point with friendship, job or whatever intact!

Money wouldn’t be a problem either. Quick save, head off to the casino, or just buy a lottery ticket.  When you know how things play out, revert to the last check-point and you know what the winning numbers or hands are!

About to get married?  I’d recommend a manual save point over a quick save at this point.  You might have to revert to an older save game to undo the damage of a bad move here.

Hell, you wouldn’t have to worry about getting old either,  if you’re willing to keep re-living the past couple of decades.