Donald Trump is just having a laugh

I’m the kind of guy who likes to know the hows and whys of things.

This is likely one of the reasons I can’t stop watching news about the on-going, slow motion car wreck that is the Trump Presidency.

I keep wondering how someone like him can just keep on ticking, seemingly oblivious to the shit storms he causes.

I’m not going to insert a bunch of links here, there’s lots of material out there.

Many have asked, “Is Trump really that stupid?”

Let’s take a good hard look at things and see if we can’t come up with an answer.

Let’s look at what he’s accomplished in life.  He managed to fake out millions of people into believing that he was not only much wealthier then he is,  but he also had most of us believing that he was actually good at the whole business thing.

When he was on The Apprentice he looked like he knew what he was doing.  Maybe that was editing, but I don’t think so.  Well, maybe he had smart people telling him what to do and say behind the scenes.

My point is how can someone who managed to convince a large part of us that he was a genius business man…even I daresay a stable genius,  suddenly start flailing about like a rabid alligator on PCP?

Here’s what I think….

Trump is having a laugh.  He told his Illuminati buddies that he could make a joke out of the US Presidency.  Maybe there’s even some sort of bet,  to keep it interesting.

 

 

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How I Write Jokes

Even though I’m not a professional I’ve had a couple of people ask about the methods I use to write comedy.  I’m going to take this opportunity to talk about that.

Sometimes the material I use in my stand up routines just comes to me.  While they might need a bit of polish or a tag or two,  they are complete and ready for delivery.

In the first of the videos listed below, my joke about  telling my doctor I eat two bags of vegetables is an example of a joke born whole.  I was thinking about how my doctor doesn’t believe that bacon is a vegetable.   That’s funny, but it didn’t work as a joke, however both vegetables and chips comes in bags, so viola!

These are the two sets I currently have posted on YouTube.  I reference jokes from each below.

Set 1

Set 2

Other bits come to me as a concept.  My Pussy vs. Vagina bit (second video) started off as a comment to a friend to the effect of “Why would I insult someone by calling him something I’m rather fond of?”.  You’ll see that I’ve fleshed that out to about a full minute of material.

Other ideas start off with just the thought of “there’s a joke in there somewhere”.  The set up of my Star Trek bit, where I talk about the differences in the capabilities of the crew between episodes is an example of this.

Let’s use the Star Trek bit to illustrate one of the ways I come up with material.

Most jokes start of with a premise.  The ST bit’s premise is:

In one episode, the Enterprise rains death down from space, and in the next half the crew is wiped out by one guy!

Not very funny on it’s own, is it?

I used word association to help with this step.  Basically I listed things that I associated with Star Trek.   So my list contained things like

  • Sci Fi
  • Space
  • Campy Dialogue
  • Scanners
  • Tri-corders

Eventually I settled on scanner/tri-corder and campy dialogue, and the line became

In one episode the Enterprise rains death down from space!  It’s like [pretend to scan the planet] “Captain, we’ve located the Klingon and O-M-G, he hasn’t changed his underpants in 8 days!”

In the next episode half the crew is wiped out by one guy armed with a pointy stick and terrible dialogue!  [Overdone campy] “I would stab you thusly but alas, your tunic is not the red of an Adaluvian sunset, but the blue of a Best Buy Smartass!”   (the Best Buy Smartass is a call back to my opener for that set).

[aside]….at least now we know why they call them Klingons!

A good joke usually consists of a Premise, a setup,  a punchline, and tags.

Using my Star Trek joke again,  the Premise is “The thing I hate about Sci Fi shows is how inconsistent they are!”

This lets the audience know what I’m about to talk about, and leads me to the set up.  In the bit above there are two set-ups, and two punchlines  (the Andulvian sunset bit is the punchline).

A tag is a quip that you add to end of a bit or joke.  A funny comment,  maybe an observation, or an aside like I used above.  You can add as many tags as you want.  They’re a good way to close off a joke and move on.

You can also use tags if you’re running fast and need to fill out a few seconds.

You might be interested to know that a lot of times tags sound spontaneous.  They could be, but mostly they’re actually part of the set.  A true artist can make the audience think that they just thought of them.

That’s it in a nutshell.  If you’re interested in knowing more or discussing, reach out!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RTOD: Salad Dressing

With everything going on in the world today, I want to take a moment and talk about something that I’m sure is on everyone’s mind….

Salad Dressing.
Specifically, who thought “Ranch” was a good name for salad dressing??

I’ve never knowingly tried Ranch dressing.

Think about it….you have French Dressing, which brings to mind the rich, flavourful palette found in French cuisine.

When you hear “raspberry vinaigrette” you think of something sweet and tart.

What comes to mind when you hear “Ranch Salad Dressing”??

Hay and Horseshit!

RTOD: Stupid things I’m afraid of

  • That the person I’m talking to can read my mind
  • That my future significant other will rearrange my kitchen
  • That a chunk of frozen blue toilet ice will crash through my roof and kill me the day after I win the lottery
    • I’m not at all worried about it happening before for some reason
  • Being around ppl
  • Not being around ppl
  • That I’m that guy who thinks he’s popular, but really isn’t

Quasi-Inspirational Ravings #3

One day I saw a man standing on a corner holding a sign saying he was hungry and that he would work for food.

Taking pity on him,  I took him to the local sporting goods store and bought him a full set of fishing tackle.

I then took him to the local river and, with the help of Google,  I taught him how to fish!

We were both delighted at how quickly he picked it up!

I had taught a man to fish, so he could now feed himself for a lifetime!

Turns out that the parable did not take seafood allergies into account.

Morals of this story:

  • “Lifetime” as a unit of measure is relative
  • “Due Diligence” is more than a buzzword

Quasi-Inspirational Ravings #2

One day while on a stroll through the park I met an elderly gentleman sitting alone on an out of the way bench,  far from the children, dogs and humans who were enjoying a bright spring afternoon.

I asked his permission to share the bench.

He nodded and I might be wrong but I think he was happy for a bit of company.

We both sat in silence for a spell.  Each of us lost in our own thoughts.

Then, without warning he hit me on my head with his cane.

While I was still dazed he took my wallet, phone and watch before dashing off through the trees.

The moral of this story is that even old people sitting alone in a park can be assholes,  so always keep your guard up!

 

Quasi-Inspirational Ravings #1

Have you ever taken a moment and watched a butterfly as its about to take flight?

Did you marvel at the complexity required for such activity?

When you pondered the evolutionary path required to reach this point did it fill you with awe?

Has it occurred to you that “butterfly taking flight” could be replaced with any of the following:

  • A dog taking a dump
  • An old man farting
  • Donald Trump

The moral of this is don’t be like a butterfly,  butterflies are stupid.

Be like a human being who is slightly better than you.

Once you’ve done that, repeat.