Depression

This weekend I sat with my phone opened to Facebook, my fingers poised over the keyboard to post something.

It was hard to come up with something.

I was going through a deep depression.

I wanted to tell people what I was going through. I wasn’t asking for help, or for anyone to do anything.

I just wanted people to know that I was hurting.

After many attempts I came up with:

“Today was a rather blue day”

I hit post and moved on and slogged through the weekend.

This bought snuck up on me. I didn’t realized that I was depressed until I recognized the individual signs. Not looking after myself, a near constant fatigue, random aches and pains, headaches, restlessness, apathy.

In all that, the only thing I could think to do was to let people know. Maybe a sign of progress because normally I’m not one to reach out when things get bad.

I’ll get through it.

I always do.

Advertisements

Red Dead Redemption 2: How to play

Talk~talk~talk~ride your horse
~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride
~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride
~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride
~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride
~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride
~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride
~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride

Talk~talk~PEWPEWPEW!!!!!~talk~talk~ride~ride
~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride
~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride
~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride
~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride~ride

Repeat…

The Best Super Power Ever!

Whenever you ask someone what they’d pick for a super power if they had the opportunity you hear answers are things like the ability to fly, super strength, the ability to heal, etc. etc.

Until recently my choice would be the ability to heal others (I was a medic for most of my adult life after all),  but that’s recently been supplanted by what I think would be the most awesome super power ever.

Imagine being able to use the video game capability of being able to save your game in real life?

Wouldn’t that be amazing?!!

Imagine, just before you drive to work, you do a quick save, then drive at double the speed limit…exhilarating, fun, dangerous and illegal as hell.  Get into an accident, or get a ticket…revert to your saved game..and in the next play through you know where the cops are!

You could tell your crush, boss, co-worker, neighbour, or anyone else exactly what you thought of them, and if it doesn’t go well, revert and you’re back safely at your last check-point with friendship, job or whatever intact!

Money wouldn’t be a problem either. Quick save, head off to the casino, or just buy a lottery ticket.  When you know how things play out, revert to the last check-point and you know what the winning numbers or hands are!

About to get married?  I’d recommend a manual save point over a quick save at this point.  You might have to revert to an older save game to undo the damage of a bad move here.

Hell, you wouldn’t have to worry about getting old either,  if you’re willing to keep re-living the past couple of decades.

Credit Bureaus are ripping us off

Saw an ad today from a credit bureau offering both credit monitoring and identity theft protection services.

So instead of making access to our credit reports more secure (making it harder for someone to steal our identity),  they charge us protection money.

Seriously,  how hard would it be to set up a system where when someone checks your credit,  you get an instant alert and an opportunity to approve or decline the request?

Donald Trump is just having a laugh

I’m the kind of guy who likes to know the hows and whys of things.

This is likely one of the reasons I can’t stop watching news about the on-going, slow motion car wreck that is the Trump Presidency.

I keep wondering how someone like him can just keep on ticking, seemingly oblivious to the shit storms he causes.

I’m not going to insert a bunch of links here, there’s lots of material out there.

Many have asked, “Is Trump really that stupid?”

Let’s take a good hard look at things and see if we can’t come up with an answer.

Let’s look at what he’s accomplished in life.  He managed to fake out millions of people into believing that he was not only much wealthier then he is,  but he also had most of us believing that he was actually good at the whole business thing.

When he was on The Apprentice he looked like he knew what he was doing.  Maybe that was editing, but I don’t think so.  Well, maybe he had smart people telling him what to do and say behind the scenes.

My point is how can someone who managed to convince a large part of us that he was a genius business man…even I daresay a stable genius,  suddenly start flailing about like a rabid alligator on PCP?

Here’s what I think….

Trump is having a laugh.  He told his Illuminati buddies that he could make a joke out of the US Presidency.  Maybe there’s even some sort of bet,  to keep it interesting.

 

 

How I Write Jokes

Even though I’m not a professional I’ve had a couple of people ask about the methods I use to write comedy.  I’m going to take this opportunity to talk about that.

Sometimes the material I use in my stand up routines just comes to me.  While they might need a bit of polish or a tag or two,  they are complete and ready for delivery.

In the first of the videos listed below, my joke about  telling my doctor I eat two bags of vegetables is an example of a joke born whole.  I was thinking about how my doctor doesn’t believe that bacon is a vegetable.   That’s funny, but it didn’t work as a joke, however both vegetables and chips comes in bags, so viola!

These are the two sets I currently have posted on YouTube.  I reference jokes from each below.

Set 1

Set 2

Other bits come to me as a concept.  My Pussy vs. Vagina bit (second video) started off as a comment to a friend to the effect of “Why would I insult someone by calling him something I’m rather fond of?”.  You’ll see that I’ve fleshed that out to about a full minute of material.

Other ideas start off with just the thought of “there’s a joke in there somewhere”.  The set up of my Star Trek bit, where I talk about the differences in the capabilities of the crew between episodes is an example of this.

Let’s use the Star Trek bit to illustrate one of the ways I come up with material.

Most jokes start of with a premise.  The ST bit’s premise is:

In one episode, the Enterprise rains death down from space, and in the next half the crew is wiped out by one guy!

Not very funny on it’s own, is it?

I used word association to help with this step.  Basically I listed things that I associated with Star Trek.   So my list contained things like

  • Sci Fi
  • Space
  • Campy Dialogue
  • Scanners
  • Tri-corders

Eventually I settled on scanner/tri-corder and campy dialogue, and the line became

In one episode the Enterprise rains death down from space!  It’s like [pretend to scan the planet] “Captain, we’ve located the Klingon and O-M-G, he hasn’t changed his underpants in 8 days!”

In the next episode half the crew is wiped out by one guy armed with a pointy stick and terrible dialogue!  [Overdone campy] “I would stab you thusly but alas, your tunic is not the red of an Adaluvian sunset, but the blue of a Best Buy Smartass!”   (the Best Buy Smartass is a call back to my opener for that set).

[aside]….at least now we know why they call them Klingons!

A good joke usually consists of a Premise, a setup,  a punchline, and tags.

Using my Star Trek joke again,  the Premise is “The thing I hate about Sci Fi shows is how inconsistent they are!”

This lets the audience know what I’m about to talk about, and leads me to the set up.  In the bit above there are two set-ups, and two punchlines  (the Andulvian sunset bit is the punchline).

A tag is a quip that you add to end of a bit or joke.  A funny comment,  maybe an observation, or an aside like I used above.  You can add as many tags as you want.  They’re a good way to close off a joke and move on.

You can also use tags if you’re running fast and need to fill out a few seconds.

You might be interested to know that a lot of times tags sound spontaneous.  They could be, but mostly they’re actually part of the set.  A true artist can make the audience think that they just thought of them.

That’s it in a nutshell.  If you’re interested in knowing more or discussing, reach out!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RTOD: Salad Dressing

With everything going on in the world today, I want to take a moment and talk about something that I’m sure is on everyone’s mind….

Salad Dressing.
Specifically, who thought “Ranch” was a good name for salad dressing??

I’ve never knowingly tried Ranch dressing.

Think about it….you have French Dressing, which brings to mind the rich, flavourful palette found in French cuisine.

When you hear “raspberry vinaigrette” you think of something sweet and tart.

What comes to mind when you hear “Ranch Salad Dressing”??

Hay and Horseshit!