An Open Letter to the pretty girl standing behind me in line at the cafe this morning…

Dear Pretty Girl;

It was amusing meeting you this morning at the coffee shop.

An old guy like me really likes it when a sweet little girl like you bats her eyes at me and smiles prettily,  and yes,  naturally will give you anything you want.  In this case, to cut in front of me in line because you were “running late”…or so you must’ve thought…

I especially appreciated the amusement you injected into my morning when your face did that odd acrobatic morph trying to hide your surprise when I looked at my watch and said, “Sorry, I am too.”

You see,  I have magical super powers that make me immune to the wiles of pretty people.

The first is the realization that giving you your way is in no way going to get me sex.

The second is that I do not need you to smile at me and say thank you and show me some fleeting gratitude (real or faked) in order to validate my existence.

The third…and this is the lynch pin to my pretty-people resisting super powers.   I have self-respect.

I’m not sure what you saw in me that made you think the batting eye lash display would work on me.  I was reasonably well dressed.  I even showered and everything…not that you would’ve noticed.   I could’ve gone for a dip in someone septic tank and still had the smell over-powered by the perfume of the lady whom I standing behind.

But, I digress!

Now,  if after you had insulted me by thinking I’d be so swayed by your attempt at manipulation that I would in fact let you cut in front of me,  it would’ve only been for one reason.

Can you guess what that reason would be?

Because I’m a nice guy?  No.

Because I really think that letting you cut in would give me a chance with you?  Hahaha…no.

If you haven’t guessed  that it would be so I could check out your bum then you really don’t know men at all.

…oh, you were wearing a long coat too…so you were doomed from the start.

Anyway,  if manipulating men pretty girl style is getting you by now….in a few years,  when you lose your looks…your life is gonna suck.